Okay, well I AM - but I just had a couple of SPECT scans done on this lovely brain of mine. My dad covered the cost in full, but since the scans showed that my brain does have abnormal activity - which means there's something physically wrong with me, insurance may end up covering *some* of the cost. Not that he doesn't make that amount of money in 2 or 3 days, but there's no harm in trying to get reimbursed.

My brain showed activity in the temporal lobes (anxiety) and the prefrontal cortex (obsessive) when it was in an active mode. Normal people have NO activity in these sections of the brain when they're actively processing information.

I've been on Neurontin for 2 days now, and it has already corrected my insomnia. My insomnia of FOURTEEN years. And I haven't woken up with headaches, which has been an every day thing for the past 3 months, so this is FUCKING FANTASTIC. If you look it up, yes, it is an epilepsy drug, but other than that it has been proven to reduce activity in the 2 areas of the brain I mentioned above.

I'm writing this because I keep my blog up for more creative writing needs, and I know there are plenty of folks suffering from mental illnesses on this site. And I deleted my MySpace last month. Fuck that drama, although I do miss the music aspect of that site.

I originally agreed to the experimental SPECT process (through Amen Clinics) because I was hoping they'd be able to reduce the length of the "guinea pig" drug process that is so popular with the psychiatric profession.
Thanks to the scans, I can prove I really have been crazy since birth (my earliest memories include feelings of anxiety).

I still have to be a guinea pig, though. It turns out, after 24 years of creating coping mechanisms, and creating coping mechanisms for the symptoms created by some of the original coping mechanisms, it's damned near impossible to correctly diagnose me with ANYTHING until they subdue the negative activity in my brain. Yay.

So I may have ADD, I may have agoraphobia, I may have generalized anxiety, and I may have major depression, but I can't test for any of that shit until we know the Neurontin is having a positive effect on me for 4 weeks or longer.

At least I finally have some useful information, and not some psych sticking yet another pill down my throat to "wait and see what happens."

Maybe I'll upload the pictures of my brain at a later date, if any of you actually care. It's interesting to me, but it is my brain.